A missed opportunity?

Question

I met a guy through work a year ago and when we first met, when we had to work together he would flirt outrageously, there was a lot of incredible chemistry, eye contact, touching going on and then he did ask me out to dinner......I declined, as I wasn't sure about him at the time although the body language was undeniable. However, now I regret it and have never stopped thinking about my missed opportunity. We don't see each other much and are not in touch very often but I still sometimes sense there is something there. He was really very keen on me and made sure he showed it but when I didn't respond the flirting stopped and now he's in a relationship. Whenever I do have to see him through work there is a very strange atmosphere and tension between us, it's very awkward and I don't know why. He also never mentions he has a g/f I only found out about her through a friend. Also now and then he will just phone out of the blue and be really nice towards me, like maybe I'm in his thoughts? He does have a girlfriend now, but I just want us to get together but I'm too afraid to do anything about it. Do you think, maybe deep down there is still a part of him that likes me, or is it all in the past and I should move on? If a man really fancies somebody once, do they always feel the same way? and why is there this terrible awkwardness between us?

Please help!

Thanks,
J

Answer

Hi J,

Thanks for your question. Love lost and missed opportunities are always tough to take, which is why our best advice is always to be brave and take any opportunity that comes your way! You can drive yourself mad by thinking this way, and we all do it at some point in our lives.

You need to think through why you weren't sure at the time, but now are so sure about this guy. Oftentimes, what has become "unavailable" suddenly becomes more attractive. Equally, when a guy or girl has hooked up they can seem more appealing than before. In some ways it's a safe way to have a crush on someone, because in our hearts we know that we won't have to deal with a real relationship with them. But we can dream, right?
Onto your specific situation. You need to understand one thing about some guys. They like to have lots of girls on the go... That isn't to say that they're dating or cheating, just that they're realistic and when one relationship ends, they look at their little black book and give one of their "reserve" girls a go. That's just how some guys are and there is nothing wrong with it. But as a lady, you need to be aware of it.

This guy probably does still fancy you! Guys can fancy lots of girls but still be deeply in love and faithful to one. I guess that evolution made them like that.

Sure, be friends with this guy but if things progress further while he is with his girlfriend, you'll be doing the three of you a disservice. He can always walk back to his girl, but you risk getting hurt, he risks hurting both of you, and his girl will be the unwitting participant in this love triangle.

Your best option is to move on. Meet new guys, hang out with your friends more. There are so many more great guys out there, that can help get this one out of your head.

Let us know how you get on!

"My best friend is trying it on with my girlfriend"

Question

My partner and i have been together for one month. She is great, really pretty and her personality is brilliant, but my best mate always talks about her saying im so lucky to have her! He phones her every day and talks to her as much as I do, and i don't really trust him because he tries it on with any girl he meets! I have argued my point to both mygirlfriend and my best mate but they insist that they dont like each other in that way and they are only friends! Am I being too paranoid? Or should I try some kind of test? Please help its really frustrating me.

Thanks,

K

Answer

This is a tricky one. There are two potential ways to look at this.

1. You're paranoid. Your best friend and your girlfriend hang out every now and then but so what? You love her, she loves you and this guy wouldn't be your best friend if he wasn't 100% trustworthy with your girls, would he? If this is the case, you need to chill out, enjoy the time you're spending with your girlfriend and show her a great time.

2. You're observant. You've seen what is happening here. Your best friend is ruled more by what's in his pants than what's in his head. You're only just getting to know your girl and you're not sure you can trust her yet. Hey, this guy is probably already banging her while you're not around. You need to find out exactly what is going on to put your mind at rest. Tell them that you're going away for one weekend when you know that they're both around and see what they get up to. Please note: This is a high-risk approach!

You also need to figure out why you're worrying about this. What has your best friend got that you've not got? Perhaps you feel a little insecure.? If so, work out why and see if you can correct things. There are issues of trust, too. You should be able to trust your best friend with your life, let alone your girl. It may be worth having another man-to-man with him and explain just how much of a problem this has become.

Let us know how you get on.