A missed opportunity?

Question

I met a guy through work a year ago and when we first met, when we had to work together he would flirt outrageously, there was a lot of incredible chemistry, eye contact, touching going on and then he did ask me out to dinner......I declined, as I wasn't sure about him at the time although the body language was undeniable. However, now I regret it and have never stopped thinking about my missed opportunity. We don't see each other much and are not in touch very often but I still sometimes sense there is something there. He was really very keen on me and made sure he showed it but when I didn't respond the flirting stopped and now he's in a relationship. Whenever I do have to see him through work there is a very strange atmosphere and tension between us, it's very awkward and I don't know why. He also never mentions he has a g/f I only found out about her through a friend. Also now and then he will just phone out of the blue and be really nice towards me, like maybe I'm in his thoughts? He does have a girlfriend now, but I just want us to get together but I'm too afraid to do anything about it. Do you think, maybe deep down there is still a part of him that likes me, or is it all in the past and I should move on? If a man really fancies somebody once, do they always feel the same way? and why is there this terrible awkwardness between us?

Please help!

Thanks,
J

Answer

Hi J,

Thanks for your question. Love lost and missed opportunities are always tough to take, which is why our best advice is always to be brave and take any opportunity that comes your way! You can drive yourself mad by thinking this way, and we all do it at some point in our lives.

You need to think through why you weren't sure at the time, but now are so sure about this guy. Oftentimes, what has become "unavailable" suddenly becomes more attractive. Equally, when a guy or girl has hooked up they can seem more appealing than before. In some ways it's a safe way to have a crush on someone, because in our hearts we know that we won't have to deal with a real relationship with them. But we can dream, right?
Onto your specific situation. You need to understand one thing about some guys. They like to have lots of girls on the go... That isn't to say that they're dating or cheating, just that they're realistic and when one relationship ends, they look at their little black book and give one of their "reserve" girls a go. That's just how some guys are and there is nothing wrong with it. But as a lady, you need to be aware of it.

This guy probably does still fancy you! Guys can fancy lots of girls but still be deeply in love and faithful to one. I guess that evolution made them like that.

Sure, be friends with this guy but if things progress further while he is with his girlfriend, you'll be doing the three of you a disservice. He can always walk back to his girl, but you risk getting hurt, he risks hurting both of you, and his girl will be the unwitting participant in this love triangle.

Your best option is to move on. Meet new guys, hang out with your friends more. There are so many more great guys out there, that can help get this one out of your head.

Let us know how you get on!